"One phone to dial them all One phone to thrall them One phone to ring them up And in the darkness call them." -- Frank on cell phones (Jan 2002). [quote removed by request] Frank tells of how he was blowing air in a fireplace to get a log to catch. The mesh was closed but even so, with a mighty "POP" an ember shot out out THROUGH the mesh and INTO Frank's mouth. Turning around, bug-eyed, he realized he couldn't keep it in his mouth. With a loud "ptuuu!!" he spit it out into his hand. "Ahhh yes. The age old question we all must face: spit or swallow. Well, you made the right choice......for that situation." -- Diane Decker (Feb 2002). "When in doubt, do nothing." -- attributed to Bill Hebert (Feb 2002). "Maybe even Jesus shit himself." "Holy shit, your right." -- late night discussions with Tania and Frank (Feb 2002). "If people come to my house and don't feel like taking off clothes, then I've failed." -- Diane, the ideal hostess (Mar 2002). "Dicks can be limp, but cocks are always hard." -- Diane, on why she prefers the word "cock" to "dick" (Mar 2002). "Too many time zones, too little time." -- Loren, while arranging a conference call with someone in AZ. (Apr 2002) "the word is bulbospongiosis-pudendal reflex, i believe. there's also a ischiocavernosus-pudendal reflex, i think. the first parts of both of those words are a part of the erectile tissue of the dawg penis (tee hee - i said "erectile".) teh pudendal part is a nerve which supplies both sensory and motor innervation to things like the penis, clitoris (if yer lucky), perineal area (the "tain't" if that helps), and yes, even our friend the anus. so, you squeeze a dog's penis, the anus winks, apparently. haven't tried it myself. or at least not that i remember or will own up to. there WAS that one time i woke up with psycho draped across my chest, an empty lipstick case in my hand, an umbrella opened over us, and a funny taste in my mouth. reminded me of dish soap... was THAT why psycho was humping my leg so much that week?" -- Diane explaining...uh...hell, there's no way I can provide enough context for this one; just appreciate it for what it is. (Apr 2002) "[He is] a superego and an id locked in constant moral combat, in pants." -- Heidi Swarts (Apr 2002) "If it were food, I'd eat it. If it were a person, I'd fuck them." -- someone REALLY likes an Elvis Costello album (Apr 2002). "I don't have to die. So, I get to live, which is good!" -- an unconscious Tania (May 2002). "Is he no longer intersted in academia? How about macadamia? I know, it sounds nuts..." "I read it to John, and his comment was, "I do have some interest in macadam, but that it's kind of a sticky subject."" -- electronic mail exchange between Frank and John Kasab, via Lisa Henn (June 2002). "It would involve gratuitous physical movement, and a Mowgli at rest tends to stay at rest." -- David "Sir Issac" Ralley on the Laws of Mowgli (June 2002). "It's kind of bad to lie to a priest, but they molest children, so it's ok." -- Karen Mirisola (June 2002). "...I don't use paper towels and fuck the planet. [...] That'd be one hell of a strap-on." -- Tania, the environmentalist (June 2002). "What do I look like, some kind of hippie-freak? Oh...I guess I sort of do... Actually, that sounds like it might be kind of cool." -- random "hippie-freak" from ultimate frisbee when asked about going to an open-mic Jazz night (a.k.a. "Naked Guy" by Diane). (July 2002). "I had two people try it. One said it was completely disgusting, while the other said it was merely awful." -- Joel describes how a company discontinued a product (liked only by him it would seem). (July 2002). "I could sell my art, but I'd have to charge, like, $30 for it. I'd feel kind of funny making people pay that much for it." -- Tania (Note: Frank includes this quote because he feels it will become ironic and amusing in a decade or so. He also wants a signed original as retirement insurance.) (July 2002). "This, to me, is what separates commercial art from personal art: In the former, patterns that work are sought and exploited, while in the latter, patterns that persist are sought and broken." -- Timothy Weber defines the artist's soul. (August 2002). "No, if it were performance art you'd have the whole thing well documented. Where is that tape of you yacking on the yuccas? You'll need it for your next grant request for "Wizzing on Warsaw", or "Bleeding on Berlin". I'm going to stop this train of thought now, lest it start to seem like a viable means of artistic survival, and before I get too grossed out." -- David Ralley (everyone's a critic!). (September 2002). "As for dancers needing cash from time to time, it's true, but I think nude dancing is probably more lucrative and safer. Plus all that baby oil is great for your skin." -- David Ralley, commenting on the LESSER of the two evils that could befall his artist roommates (September 2002). "Nate was all concerned about some professional image or something. Bah. My car is named "ho" and it has the word "ho" on the license plate! Yay!" -- Diane is easily amused. (October 2002). "That would bring us up to the head-count of #1, so I think it's fine." "Oh...I didn't mention, she's got 14 heads. That won't screw things up will it?" "As long as her necks are long enough to put 'em up by the ceiling where they won't get in the way, I think it'll work fine." "Actually, haven't heard anything, probably not back in town yet (because even if she had her head up her ass, there'd still be 13 more...)." "How many assholes does she have? Not that I'm assuming you necessarily would know. (You, like me, may not ask that question habitually upon introduction.)" -- Timothy and Frank discuss the video night guest list and social skills. (October 2002). "I built a garden with my brother. The local deer would empty his fridge if he didn't lock the doors, so we had to put up some serious screening to keep them out." -- David Ralley discusses deer problems. (October 2002). "Kitties should never be distressed, that's only for husbands and kids." -- Kathy Lemos has her priorities straight. (November 2002). "Lots and lots of finger-pointing between us and them while we did it. Many times, the finger was the middle one." -- Pierce has problems in the working world. (November 2002) "I don't believe in killing time, after all, it's returning the favor." -- old guy book shop proprietor in Manhattan. (November 2002) "Palm [pilot] porn...for your other palm." -- Rob Stauffer comes up with a new product slogan. (November 2002) "By the way, Jim, my husband is a disoriented Jew and didn't understand the meaning of "we're going to Iowa the weekend before Christmas"..." -- Kendy Markman on Keith Markman (chonologically challenged or merely semetically (dis)oriented? you decide). (December 2002) "Well, I got one and it is as annoying a feeeling as the Internet is." -- Kathy Lemos succinctly describes both cell phones and the Internet, the scourges of our time. (December 2002) "Back when irony was more a literary device than a lifestyle." -- Timothy Weber is so ironic...or is he? (December 2002)