"The Apple chick is all kinds of freaky."
  "While Elizabeth is just one kind."
	-- An exchange over dinner between two people on relative 
	   freakiness of people at a conference (January 2009).

"Oh, and the salad forks have little..."
  "...stabby things on them...better for stabbing people!"
"Frank, what did we tell you about forks?"
  "<pause> ``We don't stab people with forks.'' "
"Exactly.  That's what SPOONS are for.  They hurt more."
	-- Stephanie and Frank discuss silverware (January 2009).

Seth [...] wrote to me this morning and told me that he had a dream last
night that I stole his car.  He was furious and was going to call the
police.  When he woke up, he said he went to the garage and saw that his car
was undemolished and where he had left it.  He is not going to press
charges.
	-- Moof relates a story he got from Facebook (I'm assuming he 
	   hasn't seen the guy in 20 years or so) (March 2009).

 > > There's been several hold ups/purse snatching.  Stupid things that 
 > > the cops become more aggressive for because they're not used to it
 >
 > As long as there's not excessive sighing or eye rolling.
 > That could be very disturbing to our citizens...

That would shut down all the cafes in college town
	-- Sue and Frank discuss crime in Ithaca (March 2009).

"Am I making you...UNCOMFORTABLE???"
  <cringing>"The last time I was in this position, I was in my mother."
"The last time I was in that position, I was in your mother too."
	-- Banter between Ben and Mo in the "uncomfort-off" event
	   of the man-athalon-ion (March 2009).

"Try to act funny."
	-- Carina's (6 years old) advice to me as she passes the phone 
	   to her mother, Catherine (March 2009).

"I put on the birth plan that I'll cut the spinal chord."
	-- I'm hoping Daniel meant "umbilical" (April 2009).

"Sessions are something you pay your shrink for, and cookies are
for luring children into the back of your van."
	-- Pierce doensn't like web-based applications; no comment
	   one what he does like (April 2009).

I'm trying to connect from my laptop, through via a Linksys wireless
router.  No go.  When I submit name and password I get an "Error 619."
(But of course!  The 619th way in which Bill Gates has personally decided
to make my life miserable.)
	-- a co-worker has provoked the Wrath of Bill (April 2009).

"Can you ride me home?"
	-- either the best offer I've had in a long time or someone
	   whose English is still better than my French.  (June 2009).

"...while I had only skimmed the email and was pretty exhausted from 
insomnia, I was pretty sure that you were writing to me about sparkly 
jism and superheroes. [...] Indeed you were!  Most things in the world 
could be made better by being sparkly, and who am I to exclude bodily 
secretions from that list?!"
	-- (hmmm, what about glow-in-the-dark?), another reason I miss 
	   my friend Di (August 2009).

"Women are touching themselves already, even THINKING about that picture 
being uploaded!"
	-- Golden agrees that Brian's photo is bad-ass (August 2009).

"The director of our theatre troupe in college was an insane Iranian who
idolized both Brecht and Artaud, so we did some very conceptual pieces,
and by conceptual I mean really bad."
	-- Timothy describes his undergrad theater experience (September 2009).

"Neither of you wear glasses, right?  So maybe he'll grow up to be a 
fighter pilot.  Or an astronaut."
  "Or an assassin."
	-- Assassins have to have good eyes too.  Etienne has thoughts 
	   on Alex's future, but it appears that Nazrin has already made
	   other plans (September 2009).

"Sokka winds up getting more ass than a toilet seat."
	-- Sue succinctly describes Avatar, The Last Airbender 
	   (September 2009).

"Frank's taking a leek in your office!"
	-- Rick tells Julie I was picking out vegetables in her office
	   (September 2009).

Come on, we both know you secretly follow Brittney Spears' Twitter feed 
late at night on an unpatched Vista machine with no firewall.  From 
within Eclipse.
	-- Timothy knows Frank's dirty secret (October 2009).

"You don't give dogs BEER intravenously!  You give them vodka."
	-- Sue, who is a vet, explains how antifreeze poisoning is treated
	   (October 2009).

the people that developed Twitter seem proud that they built it out of 
off-the-shelf buzzwords, instead of actually writing software.  
[...]
The other side of that is that the focus from academia has instead been 
on software reusability, which is why we find ourselves in such a giant 
valley of suck.
	-- Tom's assessment on the state of CS (November 2009).

"They don't let us have shoelaces."
	-- a tragedy in 6 words (November 2009).

"Well, I guess these sorts of things will keep happening."
	-- a co-worker offers words of comfort after my injury (November 2009).

It really is the at the intersection of narcissism and egotism.
	-- David's assessment of Facebook (November 2009).

"If you have something that you don't want anyone to know, maybe you
shouldn't be doing it in the first place" - Google CEO Eric Schmidt

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/12/07/schmidt_on_privacy/

This basically translates to: "Secrets are for criminals."

The follow up question should have been: "What is your wife's favorite 
sex position?"

	-- Daniel discovers Google's evil (December 2009).