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Subject: Many, Many Quotes (fwd)
To: frank@cis.ohio-state.edu (Frank Adelstein)
Date: Wed, 20 May 92 14:27:48 CDT
Reply-To: satch@tokyo.tokyo.ingr.com
X-Mailer: ELM [version 05.00.01.20]
Message-Id: <9205201427.AA05356@tokyo.UUCP>
From: satch@tokyo.tokyo.ingr.com (Satch Chada)
Status: RO

Frank -

Here is a bunch of quotes that you may find amusing..

-- Satch

Forwarded message:
> From uucp Tue May 19 09:30 CDT 1992
> From: ingr!jjm@jimm.b30.tokyo.ingr.com (Jim Macklow)
> Message-Id: <199205181346.AA12362@jimm.b30.ingr.com>
> Subject: Many, Many Quotes
> To: satch@tokyo.tokyo.ingr.com (Satch Chada)
> Date: Mon, 18 May 92 8:46:29 CDT
> Reply-To: ingr!b30!jimm!jjm
> X-Mailer: ELM [version 06.01.01.00 (2.3 PL11)]
> 
> 
> To believe is to know you believe, and to know you 
> believe is not to believe. - Sartre
> 
> ...Actually, FORTRAN was the language of choice for the same
> reason that three-legged races are popular.
>  - Ken Thompson  1984 Turing Award Lecture
> 
> One of these days I'm going to quit drinking and just drink at night
>  - unknown
> 
> There's something goin' on
> I know a good thing must end
> but it's hard to take losing a friend - Berlin
> 
> The world is filled with fools.  They blindly follow their so-called
> 'reason' in the face of the church and common sense.  Any fool can
> see that the world is flat! - anon.
> 
> I need to love, but it comes out wrong
> I try to live, But I don't belong
> I close my eyes and I see Blood and Roses 
> 
> ...Then anyone who leaves behind him a written manual, and likewise
> anyone who receives it, in the belief that such writing will be clear
> and certain, must be exceedingly simple-minded - Plato
> 
> I sat and laughed as the knife was twisted
> It still hurts but the pain has shifted
> I think about the time that has just slipped by
> but I won't cry for the wasted years
> 
> Your incontinent sphincter twitches anxiously at the mere
> thought of my manly endowments. - Charles Forsythe
> 
> Getting old is bad, but it beats the hell out of the alternative - anon.
> 
> Some people want to get higher
> Sometimes you gotta start low
> Some people think you're gonna die some day
> I got news you never got to go - Ted Nugent
> 
> Sex and biology aren't necessarily the same thing;
> I've HAD biology. - M. Singh
> 
> Her eyes were cold and harsh ... which made them tough to chew. - Danno
> 
> Make Love, Not War -- Be Prepared For Both 
>                             - Edelman's Sporting Goods [and Martial Aids?]
> 
> You can appreciate the difference between dedication and commitment
> whenever you see a plate of ham and eggs; the hen was dedicated, the
> pig was commitmented. - unknown
> 
> More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads.  One
> path leads to despair and utter hopelessness.  The other to total 
> extinction.  Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
>  - Woody Allen
> 
> Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality - Jules de Gualtier
> 
> A reasonable man adapts himself to the world, an unreasonable one
> persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore, all
> progress is due to the unreasonable man. - G.B. Shaw
> 
> A pig ate his fill of acrons under an oak tree and then started to root
> around the tree.  A crow remarked, `You should not do this.  If you lay
> bare the roots, the tree will whither and die.'  `Let it die,' said the
> pig.  `Who cares so long as there are acrons?' - Anonymous
> 
> Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad
> judgement - Jim Horning
> 
> All programmers are optimists.  Perhaps this modern sorcery especially
> attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers.  Perhaps
> the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually 
> focus on the end goal.  Perhaps it is merely that computers are young,
> programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists.  But however
> the selection process works, the result is indisputable:  "This time it
> will surely run," or "I just found the last bug." 
>  - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
> 
> Message from god@console:
> /dev/earth 98% full: please delete unwanted people
> 
> Criticism makes an intellectual thoughtful, a cynic amused,
> a simpleton angry, and the government confused.
> 
> How's it goin', most royal ugly dudes?
> Put them in the iron maiden!
> Iron Maiden, Excellent!
> Execute them!
> Bogus...      - Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
> 
> In addition I think science has enjoyed an extraordinary success
> because it has such a limited and narrow realm in which to focus its
> efforts.  Namely, the physical universe. - Ken Jenkins
> 
> ...text editing is strange, but nice 
>                       - supplementary unix docs, edit tutorial, page 6
> 
> I say I want to see you when you know I might not
> And it makes me want you more when you hurt me alot - The Smitherines
> 
> A computer's view of the world is analogous to a flashlight in the dark.
> What they can see, they see well.  What they can't see, they see not at all.
>                                                  - M. Valvo
> 
> Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
>                                                  - G.K. Chesterton
> 
> Twist-off caps on beer are dangerous because they require that
> you take both hands off the steering wheel. - Floyd R. Turbo
> 
> If the world revolves around you, it means you have no latitude.
> 
> He's such a hick, he doesn't even have a trapeze in his bedroom.
> 
> I met a girl at the Rainbow bar;
>  She asked me if I'd beat her.
>  She took me back to the Hyatt House
>  ... I don't want to talk about it. - Warren Zevon
> 
> I was gambling in Havana
>  I took a litte risk
>  Send lawyers, guns, and money
>  Dad, get me out of this - Warren Zevon
> 
> If you want to die, we're here to kill you ...
> 
> A host is a host from coast to coast
> And noone will talk to a host that's close
> Unless of course that host that's close
> Is busy, hung, or dead.
> 
> Lint is the compiler's only means of dampening the programmer's ego.
> 
> Its a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear - Norm
> 
> I am going tomorrow where I shall find a man who has not one agreeable
> quality, who has neither manner nor sense to recommend him.  Stupid men
> are the only ones worth knowing, after all. - Jane Austen
> 
> The world is a place where people go to die - Henry Rollins
> 
> Hard to say Ma'am.  I think my cerebellum just fused. - Calvin
> 
> The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye. - Prof. Brian O'Blivion
> 
> Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more user
> friendly. Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old
> brochures, and stamp the words, "User Friendly" on the cover. - Bill Gates
> 
> Brother John, saw visions of God,
>  so they put him in chains for working too hard,
>  As the crowd shouted, 'Off with his head,'
>  the priest said, 'Have mercy, let's burn him instead' - Todd (Utopia)
> 
> Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.  
>  Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
> 
> Now Hiring: untouched field of research. 5 years experience required.
> 
> I wish I was in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana
> 
> I don't know if I am going to heaven or hell, 
> I just hope God grades on a curve.
> 
> Jesus Saves!... Gretzky gets the rebound. He Shoots. He SCOOORES!!!
> 
> The blinds were drawn, but the furniture was real.
> 
> Hail to the Sungod.
> He sure is a fun god.
> Ra! Ra! Ra!         
> 
> Jesus saves sinners ... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes!!! 
> 
> Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, 
> abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
> 
> I was sitting in the Hollywood Hawaiian Hotel, listening to the air
> conditioner hum.  It went hmm hmmm hm hmm hm hmm hmm... - Warren Zevon
> 
> Having is not as pleasing as wanting - Spock
> 
> Anarchy - It's not a law, it's just a good idea
> 
> Where's the ka-boom?  There's supposed to be an Earth-shattering 
> ka-boom!...Heavens!  Someone has stolen the Illudium Q-38 Explosive
> Space Modulator!  The Earth creature has *stolen* the Space Modulator!
> 
> If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
>                                                    - Lisa Simpson
> 
> Comedy, thy name is Krusty. - Bart Simpson
> 
> Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
> 
> Do something you hate, being miserable builds character - Calvin
> 
> If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. - Quentin Crisp
> 
> In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, "Let there be Light."
> And there was still nothing. But, you could see it.
> 
> And you may die of the cold because the path that you have chosen
> Has warmed your hands but not your heart, and left your cold soul frozen.
> 
> Things should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler - Einstein
> 
> The only thing that separates us from the animals is superstition
> and mindless rituals.
> 
> Reality is a leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. 
> 
> The Future isn't what it used to be. - An unknown teenager 
> 
> Waste is a terrible thing to mind. - J. Watt
> 
> What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
> Adolecent males don't have a psychological need to ridicule pitbulls.
> 
> 96.37% of the people who use statistics in arguments make them up.
> 
> Hickory Dickory Dock,
> The mice ran up the clock
> The clock struck one
> and the rest escaped with minor injuries!
> 
> Yesterday I knew nothing, Today I know that.
> 
> I got a Wire in my head and I like how it feels - Buck and the Tow Trucks
> 
> People cause accidents...  Accidents cause people...
> 
> If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to
> retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it. - T. Lehrer
> 
> The most dangerous organization in America today is:
>         a)  The KKK
>         b)  The American Nazi Party
>         c)  The Delta Frequent Flyer Club
> 
> The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics
> is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people.
> 
> All the clouds turn to words
> All the words float in seqence
> No one knows what they mean
> Everyone just ignores them.
> 
> Take a sniff...
>      ...pull it out...
>           the feeling goes right through you when you pop it in your mouth...
>                                   - Juicy Fruit gum commercial
> 
> So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw.
>                                   - Pall Mall Ad.
> 
> We felt the effects of herb were so dangerous that it was better
> to lie to the american public to save them rather than tell them
> the truth -- Partnership for a Drug Free America
> 
> It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
> is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.
> It isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
>   -Oxford University Press, Edpress News
> 
> An obstacle is what you see when you take your eyes off of the goal
> 
> Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. - Foghorn Leghorn
> 
> As subtle as a hand grenade in as barrel full of oatmeal. - Foghorn Leghorn
> 
> It's a joke, son, I say it's a joke...  - Foghorn Leghorn
> 
> If this post is vile and offensive, it's a joke.
> 
> If you find this post witty and good, it's my opinion. (which may ALSO
> be a joke)
> 
> On the other hand, what if there was a war and EVERYBODY came?
> 
> He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
> 
> He who smiles in the face of adversity has found someone to blame it on.
> 
> I want to do for system administration what Jim Jones did for Kool-Aid.
> 
> The definition of diplomacy is saying, "Nice doggie, nice doggie" until
> you can find a big stick. - Will Rogers
> 
> Girls are like slugs, they probably serve some purpose, 
> but it's hard to imagine what. - Calvin
> 
> I weep for the future. - Host in resturaunt in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
> 
> Fiber laxatives: a woman who takes one is truly a lady in waiting. 
>                                                        - TV commercial
> 
> Mother died today.  Or was it yesterday?
> 
> In our unending quest to plumb the very depths of the pinacle of human 
> acheivment, we must never fear to go where the hand of man has never 
> set foot!
> 
> Quantum Mechanics can explain everything except Madonna, Flame Wars, 
> and NASA's space Policy.  We're working on the first two...
> 
> Gentlemen, if we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure. - D. Quayle
> 
> What a terrible thing it is to lose one's mind.  Or not to have a
> mind at all.  How true that is. - Vice President Dan Quayle
>            Speaking at a meeting of the United Negroes College Fund
> 
> Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
> 
> Now you listen and you listen good.  I've got nothing to say and I'm
> only going to say it once. - Casey Stengal to reporters
> 
> Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out
> they are another's. - Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1690
> 
> Welcome to my nightmare, I think you're gonna like it... - Alice Cooper
>  
> Having sex without horniness is a greater expression of love.
>       -Fr. Paul Marx Human Life International Symposium on Human Sexuality
> 
> I take bad girls, and turn them around - unknown
> 
> Women's breasts are like Electric Train Sets: They're meant for kids, 
> but usually it's the fathers who wind up playin' with them.  - unknown
> 
> I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food.  He was
> healthy right up to the time he killed himself. - Johnny Carson
> 
> The Three Untruths of Today's Society:
>     1)  The Check is in the Mail
>     2)  I'll Still respect You in the Morning
>     3)  Hi, I'm from the Government and here to help.
> 
> Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
> from achieving them. -- Dumas
>  
> The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
> soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with
> an idea. - from The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook
> 
> SEX is like a pizza: 
> When it is good, it is excellent.  When it is bad, it is still quite good.
> 
> You can get more with a smile and a gun than you can with a smile.
> 
> Commercials here have dancing cats, singing raisins and a little man 
> driving a boat in a toilet.  And then they tell you, "Don't use drugs."
>                                                         -- Yakov Smirnoff
> 
> A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
>  
> We were _not_ naked!  We were wearing margarine.
> 
> Life is short, brutish, and ugly, as am I.
> 
> Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
> 
> Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of
> person your spouse would have really preferred.
> 
> I'm totally prepared for all sorts of emergencies
> but rather useless in everyday life.
> 
> I've tried to get in touch with my feminine side, but I have found that
> its Ethel Merman.  Its embarrasing, esp. at parties when she starts singing
> "Everything is coming up roses"!!
> 
> Sticks and stones may break my bones
> but names CAN'T STOP MY CASH FLOW ! ! !
> 
> Here's to our friends the good guys, our enemies the bad guys, and the hope
> that some day we may be able to tell the difference. - Retief's Ransom
> 
> What is good, and what is not good Phaedrus?  Need we someone to tell
> us these things?
>          - from inner cover of _Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_
>            by Robert Pirsig
> 
> God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire
> 
> "Son, I just want you to know: life is a black, sucking, vortex of anguish and
> dispair, filled with brief moments of false hope and empty joy, all the while
> dragging you inevitably closer to final, absolute, and eternal death."
> "thanks dad.."
> 
> How many of you have kissed your wife goodbye when you left the house?
> How many of you have kissed your house goodbye when you left the wife?
> 
> For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
>                                                          - J.W. Schopf
> 
> Praise the humanities, my boy.  That'll make them think you're broadminded!
>                                                    - Winston Churchill
> 
> All that exists is just and unjust and equally justified in both.
>                                                    - Friedrich Nietzsche
> 
> Ninety percent of life is just showing up. - Woody Allen
> 
> Narrow halls surround my life.
> Brashly malls mock my life.
> Kill Me Now, end this strife.
> 
> Part of this D minus belongs to God. - Bart Simpson
> 
> When I think of you I touch myself
> 
> Alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force
> 
> Never let the facts interfere with your perception of reality.
> 
> We steer like a sports car:  I use opinions; the company uses the rack.
> 
> Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
> 
> Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
> 
> Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  And my advice to you is to
> have nothing whatever to do with it.  - W. Somerset Maughm
> 
> The difference between a psychosis and a neurosis?  A psychosis is when you
> think 2 + 2 are 5.  A neurosis is when you know 2 + 2 are 4, but it worries
> you.  - anonymous
> 
> "Recently I had to get married, cos I got me girlfriend into trouble.
> I got her involved in the civil war in Angola. - Alexei Sayle 
> 
> We both like cats - of course, I prefer mine with a side order of fries...
>                                         - John Yeates
> 
> Owning a cat is like keeping a tiny Republican for a pet. - unknown
> 
> Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
> 
> Once you give up your integrity, the rest is a piece of cake. - J.R. Ewing
> 
> Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. - Dan Quayle
> 
> If at first you don't succeed, erase all evidence of your attempt and
> depart the scene
> 
> I was on Alex's show the other day, and this woman calls in and asks, 
> "What's the difference between a hamster and a gerbil?"  So I said 
> "I'm pretty sure there's more dark meat on a hamster." - Bob Goldthwaite
> 
> Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support for a lifetime.
> 
> The goal of all life is death. - Sigmund Freud
> 
> The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; 
> and the pessimist fears this is true - James Branch Cabell
> 
> Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
> 
> The probability of someone watching you is proportional
> to the stupidity of your action. - anonymous  
> 
> It's not that I have a poor memory; I have a very good memory.
> It's just that it's rather short...
> 
> Republicans understand the importance of bondage between
> mother and child. - D.Quayle
> 
> I'd really like to change the world...
> But they won't give me the source code.
> 
> The will to kill, the will to be killed, and the will to die.
> 
> "Anything that is true and good is transitory... like life."
> They find that written on the mirror, about the time the body is
> discovered in the tub.  Art kills; life is death.
> 
> Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world still laughs at you.
> 
> A fanatic is one who cannot change his mind and will not change the subject.
>                                                      - Winston Churchhill
> 
> Experts are people who know a great deal about very little and who go
> along learning more and more about less and less until they know
> practically everything about nothing.  - unknown 
> 
> Everything your mother said was good for you is bad for you. Sun, milk, red
>  meat, college... - Woody Allen
> 
> All are insane but me and thee, and at times, thou seemeth a bit "strange"
>                                            - Shakespear 
> 
> A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else. - Dave Farber
> 
> Quantum particles: the dreams that stuff is made of. - David Moser
> 
> Ask the lamb, it will neither understand that the wolf should devour it. 
> But ask the wolf what is the good of the lamb. "To feed me", he'll answer. 
> The weak the victim of the strong - that is nature. - The Marquis de Sade
> 
> An improper mind is a perpetual feast. - Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
> 
> Are saying I'm redundant, that I repeat my self, that I say things 
> over and over?
>  
> Don't take life too seriously.  You'll never get out of it alive.
> 
> N O T I C E : If you notice this notice, you will notice after
> noticing this notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
> 
> Promises are like penises: they are quick to come, hell to clean up after,
> painful if broken, and they leave a bitter taste if swallowed.
> 
> My normal statement is that buying these rifles is like buying a tiger. 
> They are hideously expensive, and feeding them is worse. Would you risk 
> letting it get hungry?
> 
> Thought for the day: What if there were no hypothetical situations?
> 
> 667 - The neighbor of the beast.
> 
> A true friend always stabs you in the front - Oscar Wilde
> 
> If you have not done these things, you should.
> These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr. Seuss
> 
> A woman is like a bicycle: she should look good and move well 
> underneath you.
> 
> If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
> We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. - A Deep Thought
> 
> Turn back the sheets, boys, I'm headin' for the arms of Morpheus. - Mae West 
> 
> Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy
> and bald and still think that she's attractive to the opposite sex.
> - Earl Wilson
> 
> It is better to be hated for what you are, 
> than loved for what you are not. - Andre Guide
> 
> There is no law save do what thou wilt! - Aleister Crowley
> 
> Morality is a mask worn by the weak to disguise their fear
> 
> When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember that your
> initial objective was to drain the swamp. - Marine Corps Proverb
> 
> If patience is a virtue, and ignorance is bliss, this explains why
> so many people stand around looking stupid!
> 
> Firepower is one shot that hits - Gen. Patton
> 
> The heart has its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing. - Blaise Pascal
> 
> The saddest words by tongue or pen. Are the words, "what might have been"
> 
> Once you pull the pin out of Mr. Hand Grenade, he is no longer your friend.
> 
> Compelling, yet tedious...I feel spent, like a man who is forced to wear 
> his genitals like a pendant. - Dieter, "Sprockets"  
> 
> Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
> become a monster.  And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also
> looks into you. - Nietzsche
> 
> If its got disks or tits, you'll have trouble!
> 
> If Milli Vanilli fall in the woods, does someone else make a sound?
> 
> "Cha, cha, cha!" I whispered merrily in Mary Ellen's ear, as I escorted
> her stiff and lifeless body around the dance floor, proud of the envy I
> aroused in the fellows who had always dreamed of being this close to the
> once vibrant cheerleader, but more than a little ashamed of the means I
> had to use to get this date. - from the 1988 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
> 
> A Chicken McNugget doesn't die any easier than a baby fur seal. - Ted Nugent
> 
> Beer - now there's a temporary solution - Homer Simpson
> 
> The road to hell is paved with the skulls of unbaptized infants...
> 
> What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?  Judging from realistic 
> simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, 
> we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry
> 
> To you, I'm an atheist.  To god, I'm the loyal opposition. - Woody Allen
> 
> It's not an adult feature unless someone's gooey at the end. - Bill Hicks
> 
> Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. - Gore Vidal
> 
> Body like a sewing kit, sex drive like a cauliflower
> 
> To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven;
> the same key opens the gates of hell - Buddhist proverb
> 
> I have met the enema, and he is arse.
> 
> In the beginning the Universe was created.  This has made a lot of people
> very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams
> 
> Your soul, my dear, is such a small price to pay for immortality... - simon    
> 
> To all the beautiful people out there: there are alot more of us than
> there are of you.
> 
> Sometimes you're the bug.  Sometimes you're the windshield.
> 
> And Remember: Silly is a state of mind, stupid is a way of life.
> 
> It's always fun and games until someone loses an eye...  Then it's a sport!
> 
> The way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.
> 
> When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
> 
> I AM a snowball in Hell
> 
> in case of stares do not use fire
> 
> wipes clean easily with a damp cloth
> 
> do not adjust your set
> 
> moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon
> 
> crashing by design
> 
> stupidity, like virtue, is it's own reward
> 
> enlarged to show texture
> 
> DEC measures benchmarks with a calender
> 
> Being Satan means never having to say you're sorry
> 
> Well, if you didn't struggle so much, you wouldn't get rope burns.
> 
> It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
> 
> I don't need to know how to read or write, I'm an Engineer.
> 
> Lies persist.  Truths must be recreated!
> 
> Sax and Dogs and Rolling Rock
> 
> Involuntary personal protein spill
> 
> Women and elephants never forget
> 
> Support mental health or I'll kill you
> 
> 170 pounds of homogenized hatred
> 
> Let speaking dogs lie
> 
> if I could walk that way I wouldn't need talcum powder
> 
> ._o  
>   |>
>   4 
>