From SCHENN@MARS.LERC.NASA.GOV Fri Jul 9 12:59:04 1993 Received: from mars.lerc.nasa.gov by news.cis.ohio-state.edu (5.61-kk/5.911008) id AA25246; Fri, 9 Jul 93 12:59:02 -0400 Date: Fri, 9 Jul 1993 12:59:01 -0400 (EDT) From: SCHENN@MARS.LERC.NASA.GOV To: frank@cis.ohio-state.edu Message-Id: <930709125901.20402277@MARS.LERC.NASA.GOV> Subject: This is the Ted I know! Status: R Newsgroups: alt.quotations Path: lerc.nasa.gov!lerc.nasa.gov!magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!uwvax!cs.wisc.edu!faber From: faber@parmesan.cs.wisc.edu (Ted) Subject: Re: Wanted - Computer Quotes Message-ID: Keywords: Computer Quotes Sender: news@cs.wisc.edu (The News) Organization: U of Wisconsin Madison - Computer Sciences References: Date: Fri, 9 Jul 1993 15:47:34 GMT Lines: 129 archibal@fairfax.stfx.ca (Mary Archibald) writes: >If anyone has any interesting computer quotes we would appreciate reading >them. We use quotes in a regular newsletter publication and have exhausted >our supply of good. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies. > >Mary Archibald I live for these requests: "It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC; as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration." -- Dijkstra The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. -- E. W. Dijkstra PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. -- E. W. Dijkstra "The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim" - Edsgar W. Dijkstra "Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes." -- E. W. Dijkstra "Life was simple before World War II. After that, we had systems." -- G. Hopper "In pioneer days they used oxen for heavy pulling, and when one ox couldn't budge a log, they didn't try to grow a larger ox. We shouldn't be trying for bigger computers, but for more systems of computers." -- G. Hopper "And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report." -- Dave Barry "I have a cat named Trash. In the current political climate it would seem that if I were trying to sell him (at least to a Computer Scientist), I would not stress that he is gentle to humans and is self-sufficient, living mostly on field mice. Rather, I would argue that he is object-oriented. -- Roger King Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked." -- Jeff Pesis "A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy.' Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like 'ID 02.' 'ID' is an abbreviation for 'idiosyncrasy' and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had." ---Guy Kawasaki, "The Macintosh Way" pixel, n.: A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays. The computer industry has frequently borrowed from mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department. --- Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer "Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies" -- Bill Bulko "An old puzzle asks how a barometer can be used to measure the height of a building. Answers range from dropping the instrument from the top and measuring the time of its fall to giving it to the building's superintendent in return for a look at the plans. A modern version of the puzzle asks how a personal computer can balance a checkbook. An elegant solution is to sell the machine and deposit the money." -- Jon Bentley, More Programming Pearls "The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower. To think otherwise is to demean the Buddha -- which is to demean oneself." Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. "Power Users think 'Your computer is stoned' is part of the DOS copyright banner." -- Richard Murnane "Power Users believe computer salesmen." -- Richard Murnane "It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a common computer protocol occured in the Old Testament. This, of course, was when Moses aborted the Egyptians' process with a control-sea..." -- Tom Galloway "Too bad men aren't like computers. Predictable, compliant, full of answers but no questions...yet able to deliver an occasional delightful surprise." --Brenda Starr "In a way, staring into a computer screen is like staring into an eclipse. It's brilliant and you don't realize the damage until its too late." -- Bruce Sterling "And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By "they" I mean "computers": I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)" -Dave Barry "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." -- Isaac Asimov "The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway." -- Bernard Avishai "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." -- Nathaniel Borenstein "If the automobile had followed the same development cyclee as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." -- Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld "Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done." -- Andy Rooney "An apprentice carpenter may want only a hammer and saw, but a master craftsman employs many precision tools. Computer programming likewise requires sophisticated tools to cope with the complexity of real applications, and only practice with these tools will build skill in their use." -- Robert L. Kruse, Data Structures and Program Design "It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years." -- John Von Neumann (ca. 1949) -- Ted Faber Figment at Large faber@cs.wisc.edu "The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." -- Maugham