From jrm@pgroup.com Tue Oct 12 17:23:06 1993 Received: from pacific.pgroup.com by news.cis.ohio-state.edu (5.61-kk/5.911008) id AA18170; Tue, 12 Oct 93 17:22:52 -0400 Received: from localhost by pacific.pgroup.com (8.5/1.930804jrm) id OAA17043; Tue, 12 Oct 1993 14:22:48 -0700 Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1993 14:22:48 -0700 From: John R Mudd Message-Id: <199310122122.OAA17043@pacific.pgroup.com> To: frank@cis.ohio-state.edu Subject: too good to keep to myself Status: RO From Yucks, where else? Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1993 09:10:03 -0700 From: rdurant@wv.MENTORG.COM (Rich Durant) Subject: gerbil abuse To: spaf I had to pass this along. The following was sent to me by the Hashers list server, harriers@usc.edu, being submitted by pete@nssg.eurocontrol.fr (Peter Hullah aka Towering Infernal). I hope it's suitable . . . [Suitable? Heck, it's almost canonical! --spaf] =========== The following is taken, without permission, from `Private Eye' (a, nay the, British satirical magazine) which reprinted it (probably without permission!) from the `Bloomberg News Service', 11 Aug 1993 > `In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was > only trying to retrieve the gerbil,' Vito Bustone told bemused > doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. > > Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been > admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone > seriously wrong. `I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and > slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in,' he explained. `As usual, Kiki > shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried > to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered > into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might > attract him.' > > At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described > what happened next. `The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas > and a flame shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustone's moustache > and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's > fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of > gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like > a cannonball.' > > Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the > impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second > degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff > Hugo Root later told reporters: `It's Faggot I feel sorry for. > Being stuffed up some queen's tradesman's entrance...' [Some people have entirely too much free time on their hands... --spaf]