(Tight shot of Unnamed Red Shirt at the helm with Picard leaning in
above him.)

Unnamed Red Shirt on Bridge: "Sir!"

Picard: "Yes, what is it?"

URS: "The Transporter Chief reports that the Away Team is safely back
      on board."

(The panel then explodes in a shower of sparks killing the Unnamed Red Shirt.
Doctor Crusher approaches, looks at the UNS, nudges him twice in the chest 
with her foot, then looks back to Picard and shakes her head.)

Crusher: "I'm sorry Jean-Luc, honey-bunny, sweet-meat.  There's nothing
         I can do for him.  He's clearly not My Son."

Picard: "No!!!  As captain of this ship, I am responsible for the 
         lives of all those on board.  (beat) Oh well.  Oh, and Doctor
         Crusher, we need to maintain an air of stodginess on the 
         ship, so please don't call me Jean-Luc.  Now that you've had
         your line, just stand in the background and react to what
         everyone else is saying."

(Crusher starts to walk away, turns, opens her mouth as if to speak,
then decides not to.  Riker, Worf, and the rest of the Away team 
enter from the turbolift.  Data is holding his cat Spot at the 
navigation station.)

Picard: "Report, Number One!"

Riker: "Sir, we have secured the entrance vouchers.  But I'm 
         afraid we could only get eight."

(Picard nudges the lifeless body of the Unnamed Red Shirt.  Then satisfied...)

Picard: "As a matter of fact, Number One, I think that'll work out 
        perfectly well."

Worf: "Captain!  I recommend we open fire on structure IMMEDIATELY."

Picard: (with concern in his voice) "Is something wrong down there?"

Worf: "No sir.  Just as ... a precaution."

Picard: "I think...it might be better if we wait till AFTERWARDS before
        using such tactics, Lt.  And Riker, no need to be so smug."

Riker: (smugly) "Aye aye, sir.  Though I must say that sitting in
       the smoldering ruins of a theater might warm us up a bit."

Worf: (deflated) "I was just trying to consider all possibilities."

(Suddenly Spot leaps out of Data's arms and starts to beat the shit out
of Worf.  Both disappear behind the rest of the Away team, though 
periodic Klingon bellows of pain and gentle cat meows can be heard.)

Picard: "Data, I thought you were not to bring your feline on the bridge."

Data: "But he's so cute and fuzzy.  I have my cute-and-fuzzy-appreciate-chip
      in right now, so there's not much I can do about it.  Awww..."

(more bellows offscreen)

Picard: "Still, keeping a dangerous creature on board..."

Data: "I must disagree, sir.  Spot is not a dangerous creature."

Picard: "But what about his claws?"

(a gentle meow, followed by more bellows and sounds of things being smashed)

Data: "He has no claws."

Picard: "Ah, but then his teeth..."

Data: "Sadly, those have all been removed too, due to dental problems
      several years back."

Worf: (offscreen) "You must have KLINGON blood in you."

Geordi (to Riker): "More like Klingon blood ON him."

Picard: "Well then, I suppose the exercise will do him good.  Counselor,
        what can you tell us about a primitive society that watches 
        'movies' in a theater."

Troi: "Well sir, we must all be aware that they are a primitive society.
      They watch 'movies' in something they call a 'theater.'  We must
      be careful.  I sense ...  redundancy and obviousness.  I sense great 
      longing, great desire.  I sense a hand...on my breast.  Geordi?!?"

Geordi: "Sorry...just some problems with the implants...I was trying to
      adjust them."

Troi: "Geordi!  These are all natural."

Geordi: "I mean my eye implants.  They seem to be offline.  I was just 
       trying to feel up, I mean feel, my way to the turbolift so I could 
       go back to engineering.  There's no point to going to a movie if 
       you can't see anything.  Maybe if I shot a tachyon, barion, anti-quark
       tetra-phase particle at the popcorn, that might help."

Picard: "Make it so."  (Geordi exits.)

Riker: "Sir, there are 8 tickets, yet only 7 of us.  (with concern)  You
        don't mean that BRAT is going to be making a guest appearance here?
        No way in HELL will I let THAT BASTARD join us."

(Crusher looks hopeful at the vague mention of her loin-fruit.  But 
still doesn't speak.)

Picard: "No...I don't think so.  But I do appreciate you getting your
        gratuitous swearing out of the way."

Riker: "Thank you, sir."

Picard: "I'm afraid the eighth ticket must go to one of our less regular
        characters.  And no, I don't mean Whoopie.  We'll be going to the
        bar to get blitzed AFTER the reviews come out."

Riker: "Then who???"

(Gratuitous special effects with lots of white light.  Worf disappears and
reappears wearing thick Harry Potter glasses and a pocket protector; Data's
nose grows 8 feet, goosing Troi, Picard now has an afro Samuel L. Jackson 
would be proud of, and Riker is surrounded by the Swedish Bikini Team.
Q appears floating slightly above them.)

Q: "Not WHO...you dunderheads, but Q!  Yes, I am the Great Q, you sillies.
   And if there's one thing I don't like, it's missing the beginning of a 
   movie.  Even if I am all knowing and all seeing.  Now, shall we be going?"

Riker: (belligerently) "If you think I'm going to sleep with each and
       every one of these "creations" of yours before the movie then 
       ... " (looks at them, looks at watch) "then I best get started."
       (Riker and SBT exit.)

Q: " Well now, you big dummies, shouldn't we get going?"  

(Snaps his fingers and says "kazoo" and all disappear.)

Announcer: "Don't miss the conclusion of this episode Friday night..."