"Where did I put my pants? Oh yeah, it's under Frank." -- Lena was briefly concerned after indoor ultimate (November 2019). She complained about me using the word complaining when talking about her. I had to explain it's because she complains a lot. -- Sue channels Tautology Man while dealing with her mother (December 2019). "We don't need a woment's clinic. We need a 'men playing with women' clinic." -- Brianne summarizes one of the biggest problems in ultimate frisbee (December 2019).. "The world just threw up in my kitchen." -- Ray describes his reaction to the kitchen mess the morning after hosting a pizza (making) party (Decmeber 2019). "Mitch McConnell said there'd be a fair trail." "REALLY?!?" "No. I'm just trying to shock you." -- Frank successfully cures Shoshe's hiccups (December 2019). I think I can safely say that nobody should put me in charge of the design of a brown paper bag. -- Deepak prefers technical roles to managerial ones (December 2019). "You should tell Ray he sounds like Miss Piggy." "Oh I WILL." -- Ray unwittingly channeled his inner Frank Oz with his falsetto as Princess Jasmin in a karaoke duet of A Whole New World. Emily didn't need Alan to suggest sharing this. (January 2020). "It's REALLY expensive to get me drunk." -- a friend, with a full memory of a medical procedure, describes how her eastern European ancestry gives her super-powers (or at really high tolerance levels) against drugs, alcohol, and anesthesia (February 2020). "I can't feel my hands and they hurt." -- Scott's hands are paradoxical after playing Snow Ultimate without gloves (February 2020). "Turns out the 'this' wasn't the 'that', it was the other other thing." -- It sort of made sense when Rob explained it (February 2020). "Sorry I'm late. My car wouldn't start. When I get out to check it over, I see a bunch of magnets stuck all over the fuel cap. That's when I realized it had been degassed." -- Matthew offers a free joke to Bradley if he wants to try to do stand-up comedy at a forensics conference (March 2020). I fucking hate people so this is pretty much paradise for me. -- Tom's feeling about his empty office at work (March 2020). The Old Calendar of the Eastern Orthodox Slovanic Church does require a day of absolution and quiet contemplation during High Bezmas. It's only extended to a month in case of corruption in the realm and general disorder, but I can't see how that could be necessary. In any event, thanks to the movable nature of Bezmas, it can happily be celebrated at any time of year. That's a fantastic drawing - I'd love to add it to the Bezonian Collection. -- Bez explains how the scholars interpret the rules for High Bezmas during these times of plague, and is OK that all I could do was send a birthday drawing (April 2020). Here's a joke that never gets old! How about that awful fucking president we have who is trying to make money hawking unregulated medication manufactured by a company he has invested in!!!! -- Alice recycles an old joke--people used to say that about Carter, and Lincoln, and Adams, right? Sigh... (April 2020). "We need to have figured out the technology yesterday." "Yeah, so let's do it tomorrow." -- File under "sounds worse than it really is." Mark and Chris actually are resolving an issue within 24 hours (April 2020). "That made me want to touch my face." -- Frank describes his negative reaction to testing GoTo Meeting in the era of Coronavirus (April 2020). Did you hear about the theft of all the toilets at the police station? They have nothing to go on. -- Alice's humor reminds me of why I miss my friends (April 2020). The problem with all of it is that the answer to how stupid is very stupid, and how many is way too fucking much. -- Sue's commentary on our times, applicable to way too many things (May 2020). "We go big because we're already home." -- Emily's guidance on 'quarantine trivia' betting (May 2020). I'll work on all the popular ones [German Drinking Songs]: * Ein Prosit (I sneezed) * Fliegerlied (The flogging song) * Hände zum Himmel (Hand job) * Esellied (but I know the truth!) * Caroline. How did the Germans latch on to this one as a drinking song?) * Que Será, será (Where is Sarah) and the old standard, Skandal Im Sperrbezirk, better known as “Scandal in the prostitution-free zone) -- Ralley is taking up the accordion (May 2020). Actually, the level of strategic planning at our university is at a level typically reserved for improv theater. -- Loren's wit remains dry (June 2020). In other news, we're going on a balloon ride this Saturday instead of getting married, so that should be fun. -- Jeff and Lauren have priorities--during the pandemic (June 2020). "All of YOUR mitochondria comes from your mum!" "Maybe it's how the test-tube kid insults you" -- Piers' fact sounds oddly like an insult. And Smery provided a clarification (July 2020). Ugh, another dipshit today. Appointment is check warts on a young dog. Those are nipples, sir. Male dogs have NIPPLES?!? YOU'RE A DUDE. YOU HAVE NIPPLES. -- Another battle story from a verteran vet-erinarian (July 2020).
The list of previous selected "quotes of now" for 2020.