"Where did I put my pants? Oh yeah, it's under Frank." -- Lena was briefly concerned after indoor ultimate (November 2019). She complained about me using the word complaining when talking about her. I had to explain it's because she complains a lot. -- Sue channels Tautology Man while dealing with her mother (December 2019). "We don't need a woment's clinic. We need a 'men playing with women' clinic." -- Brianne summarizes one of the biggest problems in ultimate frisbee (December 2019).. "The world just threw up in my kitchen." -- Ray describes his reaction to the kitchen mess the morning after hosting a pizza (making) party (Decmeber 2019). "Mitch McConnell said there'd be a fair trail." "REALLY?!?" "No. I'm just trying to shock you." -- Frank successfully cures Shoshe's hiccups (December 2019). I think I can safely say that nobody should put me in charge of the design of a brown paper bag. -- Deepak prefers technical roles to managerial ones (December 2019). "You should tell Ray he sounds like Miss Piggy." "Oh I WILL." -- Ray unwittingly channeled his inner Frank Oz with his falsetto as Princess Jasmin in a karaoke duet of A Whole New World. Emily didn't need Alan to suggest sharing this. (January 2020). "It's REALLY expensive to get me drunk." -- a friend, with a full memory of a medical procedure, describes how her eastern European ancestry gives her super-powers (or at really high tolerance levels) against drugs, alcohol, and anesthesia (February 2020). "I can't feel my hands and they hurt." -- Scott's hands are paradoxical after playing Snow Ultimate without gloves (February 2020). "Turns out the 'this' wasn't the 'that', it was the other other thing." -- It sort of made sense when Rob explained it (February 2020). "Sorry I'm late. My car wouldn't start. When I get out to check it over, I see a bunch of magnets stuck all over the fuel cap. That's when I realized it had been degassed." -- Matthew offers a free joke to Bradley if he wants to try to do stand-up comedy at a forensics conference (March 2020). I fucking hate people so this is pretty much paradise for me. -- Tom's feeling about his empty office at work (March 2020). The Old Calendar of the Eastern Orthodox Slovanic Church does require a day of absolution and quiet contemplation during High Bezmas. It's only extended to a month in case of corruption in the realm and general disorder, but I can't see how that could be necessary. In any event, thanks to the movable nature of Bezmas, it can happily be celebrated at any time of year. That's a fantastic drawing - I'd love to add it to the Bezonian Collection. -- Bez explains how the scholars interpret the rules for High Bezmas during these times of plague, and is OK that all I could do was send a birthday drawing (April 2020). Here's a joke that never gets old! How about that awful fucking president we have who is trying to make money hawking unregulated medication manufactured by a company he has invested in!!!! -- Alice recycles an old joke--people used to say that about Carter, and Lincoln, and Adams, right? Sigh... (April 2020). "We need to have figured out the technology yesterday." "Yeah, so let's do it tomorrow." -- File under "sounds worse than it really is." Mark and Chris actually are resolving an issue within 24 hours (April 2020). "That made me want to touch my face." -- Frank describes his negative reaction to testing GoTo Meeting in the era of Coronavirus (April 2020). Did you hear about the theft of all the toilets at the police station? They have nothing to go on. -- Alice's humor reminds me of why I miss my friends (April 2020). The problem with all of it is that the answer to how stupid is very stupid, and how many is way too fucking much. -- Sue's commentary on our times, applicable to way too many things (May 2020). "We got big because we're already home." -- Emily's guidance on 'quarantine trivia' betting (May 2020).
The list of previous selected "quotes of now" for 2020.